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Embracing Our Stories: The Narrative Method
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Jan 12, 2022
We welcome the Founder of The Narrative Method, Shari Foos to the show. We talk about using stories to deeply connect people to themselves and others. Shari approaches building meaningful human connections by helping individuals reframe how they see themselves and others through the process of sharing stories. 📌 Subscribe to the Channel: https://YouTube.com/cgmusc #thenarrativemethod #tellingstories #cultofculture Check out more shows here: http://carenglasser.tv Follow us on Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/carenglasser Follow us on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/carenglasserlive Follow us on Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/carenglasser
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0:00
glasser here and welcome to karen
0:02
glasser live interviews with brilliant
0:04
thought leaders and all of the creative
0:06
voices of today i invite you to tune in
0:09
weekly to the show featuring leading
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voices from around the world so whether
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you're here live or on replay make sure
0:15
you say hi in the comments and tell us
0:17
where you're watching from
0:18
today we have a great show for you we
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are welcoming sherry foose to the show
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sherry is a marriage and family
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therapist and the creator of the
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narrative method she also co-founded
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bridge in 1999 a free university program
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in the humanities for low-income adults
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she received her ms in narrative
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medicine from columbia university and an
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m.a in clinical psychology for antioch
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university los angeles where she is an
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adjunct professor as a sought-after
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expert about relationships and
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meaningful connection sherry's writing
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and commentary have appeared in a range
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of online and print publications
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including real simple a favorite of mine
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huffington post woman's health
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thrive global shondaland the la weekly
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just to name a few she's busy in
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addition she serves on the board of the
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city kids foundation and is the
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recipient of the new directions for
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veterans community hero award in 2015 as
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well as the antioch university los
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angeles lifetime achievement award 2016
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phew
1:21
welcome to the show
1:23
here we go hey
1:26
i'm exhausted
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you know what i'm exhausted looking at
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you you are a powerhouse
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wow you know i'm really excited that
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you're on today because um you talk
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about story stories is all about
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what you are about and um today we're
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building bridges one story at a time so
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i think it just makes sense before we
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jump into the whole thing let's talk
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about your story how you became you and
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what was the beginning of your journey
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um i think it started when my parents
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had sex and i don't like to think about
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that
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uh so forgetting that as far as i know
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and this is actually a great question
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because when we think about what
2:10
develops us
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everything from the time we are in in
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vitro to um the time that we are about
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five years old is usually beyond our
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memory and that's obviously because our
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brains aren't mature enough we don't
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have schemas in which to file concepts
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or experiences
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so good or traumatic what happens to us
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in our early lives is something that we
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don't have access to
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so we have to sort of go back and put
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the story together
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many times we do it as a child and then
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as an adult with a broader perspective
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we do it
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so that's where you came from
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and that's where you are now here today
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which brought us to the narrative method
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so um first let's talk about what the
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narrative method is i'm gonna put the
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the website up just so people can go
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check it out later on but what is the
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narrative method well the narrative
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method is part of the human connection
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movement
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and it was conceived as a way to connect
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people deeply
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in a world where we are so isolated and
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disconnected and online and all of this
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stuff that really
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takes a toll on our humanity and the
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worst part about the isolation that
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occurs
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is that we wind up feeling that it's us
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if you don't talk to anybody just like
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ping pong your ideas back in your own
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head you can't help but get
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disconnected from what is really true
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for you as well as others
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so
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you know i i think one of the main
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reasons i i've been a therapist for a
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long time and i think the process of
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psychotherapy is fantastic
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however
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there's nothing like the power of a
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group
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when you're talking to one person
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intimately it's wonderful we can really
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support each other and help each other
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see who each of us really is but when
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you're talking to a group you get
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perspective
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so if we're sitting in a group
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particularly if people are different
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from us and we might not have otherwise
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met them
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but now they're talking about something
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we really relate to maybe it's something
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that we feel shame about or something
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that we've struggled with and you start
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to realize wait a minute
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it's not just about me
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and that unveils the culprit
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i don't think most people have
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psychological defects i think a few
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people are perhaps you know personality
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disorders or mentally ill in one way or
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another but most of us are responding in
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a normal predictable way to a crazy
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world
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so rather than pathologizing us this
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one's got ocd this one's got add
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all of these letters
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are not equivalent to what a person is
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and so it's really important to separate
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ourselves from what's happened to us and
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what's been told to us in order to
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discover for ourselves who we really are
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and i have to believe that once that
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starts to happen and people realize
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they're not alone and it's there it's
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just not them that's feeling this it it
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is a i can i just have to imagine it's a
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feeling of
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okay it is now i can forward and and
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that's powerful now part of what you
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talk about is a cult of culture
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first of all i love that expression i
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can i can make up in my own head what
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that might mean but i think that you
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need to tell us what it means
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well the cult of culture is probably
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what it sounds like it is the constant
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onslaught from media social media
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advertising television films all of
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these influences
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that among other things teach us all
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that we're not good enough
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and we all get that message
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and you know no matter how aware you are
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of it you can't completely
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um
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get rid of it because it's not going to
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stop
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and so much of it is in very deep
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before we became
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a
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language
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uh user so when ideas or traumatic ideas
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come to you in pictures as they do
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then it's very hard to decipher what is
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really there behind it so you help
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people through the narrative method and
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one of the things that you do that i
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think is so wonderful is you have
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programs that are open to the community
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and they're free right um and so again
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i'm putting up the the website but if
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they go there they can sign up for a
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tuesday program right or for a sunday
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program let's talk a little bit about
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what they're going to get because it's
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so valuable and i think just for a place
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to gather in a group as you said
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this is going to do it so let's talk
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about that what are they going to do if
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they sign up on a tuesday night it's
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actually thursday
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you could sign up on tuesday you'll be
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by yourself um
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um on thursday nights we meet for 75
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minutes
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and
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people come from all over and that's the
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greatest thing about zoom
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so what we do is we will look at an
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inspiring video it could be any subject
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from social conformity to science to
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just
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fabulously interesting timely things
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and based on that short video i'll give
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the group a prompt and they go into
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breakout rooms and share whatever story
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it evokes
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it's not that it has to be the most
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important story but the fact that it was
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evoked by this is interesting for us as
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individuals and regardless of what we're
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talking about the other people get a
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sense of us
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so much more so than if we talk about
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where we're from or our favorite color
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or other things that like who's got time
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for so there's no small talk it's all
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big talk and it's satisfying
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um on sundays we do the sunday morning
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write and that is an hour of short form
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writing that is super fun you can be a
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professional writer you could have never
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touched a pen before it's all the same
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and we finish with no longer than one
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page and share it with each other and
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the group and it's just a wonderful way
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to connect and get your thoughts out on
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paper so is this something that people
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can come to once or is it something that
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yeah you find out that they come once
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and they love it so much they can come
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back again and again and again people
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typically come repeatedly
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but there's no pressure and and i should
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also say that in all of our groups we
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have a very strong
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no mandatory uh sharing rule because
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nobody should share things that they
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haven't processed or they're not
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comfortable opening up about
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and
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that is just so important to hang on to
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our right
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to open up to the extent that we want to
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so important so important one of these
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days i'm going to jump in and and uh
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write um i'm one of those i'm one of
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those people that say i can't write and
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i and i i know that that's not true i
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know that we all can write we just have
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to maybe have the right prompt and the
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right idea and the right thought and
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that's why i think this is so exciting
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what you're doing you also have uh some
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major thoughts about humanity right um
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and maybe the lack thereof or the fact
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that we do and you actually say you
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don't need a license to use your
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humanity first of all i love that um
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anyone can do it you don't have to go
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out and get a license except everyone
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does it though right not everyone is
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practicing humanity why do you think
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that is i think we're generally not
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invited to think deeply and to share
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deeply
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we tend to believe that it's so
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dangerous to be vulnerable and it can be
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dangerous to be vulnerable which is why
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i'm saying make sure that you feel
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comfortable sharing
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but on the other hand if you don't share
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your vulnerability
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who you really are how can people know
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you
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and if they don't know you how can they
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love you and if you're not loved how can
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you feel connected
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so we have to take a leap
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in order to really touch each other in
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ways that give us all
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meaning and mutual understanding it's
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it's you know i talk to people all the
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time about being vulnerable and about
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showing your vulnerability i myself had
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an experience when i started to grow my
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hair out on camera from pitch black to
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white
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i was very vulnerable i mean i literally
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was showing people something that i kept
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hidden for 30 years
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and an interesting thing happened it
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changed the trajectory of my whole um
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streaming career
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because i was vulnerable and people
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finally finally after years felt that
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they can connect to me wow and so it's i
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i can attest to that personally but and
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that's why i tell people and that's why
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i teach
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exactly that show people who you are
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because if you don't they're not going
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to want to watch your show they're not
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going to want to connect with you
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they're not going to want to have
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anything to do with you because because
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of that so thank you for that do you
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have mentors
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um you know i i have had some therapists
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that that were really helpful to my life
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but if i have a mentor now i would say
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it's my husband um richard
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who
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has taught me so much about love and not
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in a lecture form
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but by his example he's so kind and
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i came from a really rough childhood and
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um it it forced me to go deep inside
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myself and and think very
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introspectively wow and but as a result
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of all that i i had a lot of defenses
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and i've always had tremendous
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confidence and tremendous insecurity
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uh living side by side and i think that
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you know one of the problems that we all
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struggle with when we have something
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we're working on
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is the idea that that we are a
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monolithic thing we have zillions of
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parts and they live together and when
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you can really see yourself as a
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multitude of parts and aspects you no
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longer have to get down on yourself for
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those that are weaker because the truth
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is our weaknesses are usually caused
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from wounds
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and when you punish someone for having a
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wound it's not that effective
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so
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yeah so
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so
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i i you know why do you why do you do
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this why do you do what you do
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i think because i can imagine a better
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world because i know what it feels like
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to be put down
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and
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told that you'll never be anything
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you know constantly and
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i really identify with underdogs with
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oppressed people with poor people
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and with people who have overcome
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because everyone has to overcome
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everyone has trauma and one of the
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biggest misconceptions is that
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influencers or people who are successful
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or famous or talented
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as though they've overcome all of these
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kinds of things but there's none of that
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life is a series of hurdles and some
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wonderful plateaus
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and i think what we have to do and this
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is what i try and do in my work is teach
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people tools
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so that they don't have to linger too
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long in the pain and can see a broader
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perspective on things oh wow well you
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know as we're kind of getting out of a
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pandemic kind of right now you talk
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about the global epidemic
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of isolation yeah
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and and
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that's ongoing right that that is just
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ongoing and you talk about that the
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challenging of the cult of culture to
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revise our stories about this
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um and i think that isolation would you
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and you're you're the therapist um you
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know i'm married to one but but you're
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the therapist i think that isolation um
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at this time in this day and age because
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of the pandemic and because of of the
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global epidemic of everything else going
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on
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um it causes mental illness it causes
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the
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us to have the feeling like there's a
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mental illness going in us whether we do
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or we don't
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what do you tell people how do they deal
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with that i mean do they immediately
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pick up their phone and and find a
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therapist or do they talk to their best
14:35
friend or do they come to the narrative
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method
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how do how do we get out of this
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i'm really glad you mentioned that
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because the first thing we think is i'm
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so effed up oh my god
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and you don't really want people to see
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you like that especially when you go to
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social media and all you have are
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beautiful happy people with the perfect
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family
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and it's depressing it's depressing for
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me right so i would say that first of
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all before you judge yourself
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take a step back
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and ask yourself objectively what are
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these factors and try and separate
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yourself
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from the things that have happened to
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you
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so that you can stay connected to who
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you really are
15:19
if you've been going through the
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pandemic and you're isolated and you're
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depressed and you just feel lost and
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your whole life was
15:28
sort of thrown up into the air is that a
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mental illness
15:32
or did you cause the pandemic
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you know it's so so important it's not
15:38
to say that we don't need help right and
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that help is our individual choice if
15:44
you want to go to a therapist that's
15:46
wonderful we know that that's really
15:48
effective if you'd rather talk to a
15:50
friend if you'd rather journal the main
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thing i would say is in staying
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connected to it to ourselves
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we have the empowerment to realize
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what we feel we want right now what we
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feel we need
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so
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there's no one-size-fits-all because
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we're not all the same
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and once we start making peace with how
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we are different
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and some of those factors are things of
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great pride and some of them are
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disappointing
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i'm not that great
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but but we're all not that great and
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we're fine yeah very very true thank you
16:28
thank you for that um do you have a tip
16:30
you want to share to our with our
16:31
audience right now i like to give 25
16:34
um it's just that's just a tip
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okay uh if i had a little tip right now
16:41
um i would share with you the image of a
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rocket ship
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speeding into space at a zillion miles
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an hour
16:48
if it changes its trajectory by one
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degree it's going somewhere else
16:54
and i think when we're frustrated or in
16:56
pain we just want it to end of course
17:00
but when we broaden out our perspective
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and see
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you're not going from a to z all in one
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fell swoop
17:08
but one step one small step is important
17:13
it's impactful
17:14
and it's all any of us can do so to just
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hang on to the fact that
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taking a small step and accepting some
17:23
progress
17:24
because you know progress isn't like
17:26
that either it's right
17:29
down 75 up 41 down 36
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right all of our lives have that
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frustration
17:36
when you don't share that experience
17:38
with other people you think it's you
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yeah share it with other people it the
17:44
light goes on oh this is just a bummer
17:47
in the human condition exactly exactly i
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always like to ask my guests and it's
17:52
really from no other just for me because
17:54
i am always looking for a good book to
17:56
read
17:56
well it's the last good book good book
17:59
that you read
18:00
actually somebody just gave me a book
18:02
called
18:04
ah
18:05
i don't know where it went
18:06
um it's something in thin in the title
18:09
and they said to me it's just like the
18:11
cult of culture
18:13
i'll see if i can find it before we end
18:15
and if you don't we'll put it in the
18:16
comments so that people will be able to
18:18
see it i'm always about a good book i
18:20
want to let people know how they can
18:21
find you we already put up your website
18:23
and there's a lot of really great uh
18:25
reading there believe it or not
18:27
stories right um and just a lot of
18:30
things to do you can also sign up for
18:31
the thursday and a sunday program um
18:35
sheri is also on twitter at
18:38
narrativemethod you're also on facebook
18:41
and instagram and that's the narrative
18:44
method um you know first of all i want
18:48
to thank you
18:49
uh
18:50
you
18:52
you epitomize i think in our world right
18:55
now where
18:56
we need to be going we need to be
18:58
telling our stories we need to be
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listening to each other and i think that
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the more we listen to each other and our
19:05
stories the better our world's going to
19:07
be i agree and and one thing i would add
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about listening is that
19:13
this the skill that we teach is when
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you're listening to someone's story put
19:18
yourself aside
19:20
by the way when you put yourself aside
19:22
it's kind of like going on a stage
19:24
beside your pain your worries you're
19:27
liberated
19:28
and everyone knows that experience of
19:30
listening exquisitely to someone else
19:32
it's it's fascinating yes when you
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listen to someone's story from their
19:38
perspective not based on your
19:40
assumptions or your associations
19:42
it's really easy to understand people
19:45
even people who have done things that
19:47
are
19:47
awful
19:49
and you hear their perspective and their
19:52
logic even if it was out of
19:54
a misperception or a wound or rage or
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any of that
19:59
we can imagine that emotion
20:02
we all have the same emotions to
20:04
different degrees at different times
20:06
and when you can tap into the truth of
20:09
your darker emotions as well as your
20:12
loving emotions right we can be there
20:14
for each other and help people find a
20:16
way if we can't be rehabilitated what's
20:19
the point
20:21
i agree
20:22
i agree
20:24
thank you for being here with us today
20:26
for all of our viewers you want to make
20:28
sure that you follow karen glasser you
20:29
can check us out on roku go to
20:32
channelstore.roku.com and look for karen
20:34
glasser live you can check us out on our
20:36
website
20:39
www.clairencaringglassworth.com and
20:40
finally i'm all over the place on social
20:43
media and i mean all over the place from
20:45
pinterest and twitter and instagram and
20:47
youtube and of course facebook oh and
20:49
i'm on tick tock too so go check it out
20:52
we'd love to hear from you
20:54
sherry thank you we want to thank our
20:55
audience you have a choice as to where
20:57
you spend your time you chose to spend
20:59
it with us today and we are eternally
21:01
grateful so thank you go out and give
21:03
somebody an awesome day and we'll see
21:05
you next time on the next
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