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It's All About Love!
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Feb 2, 2022
What's love got to do with it? Every. Damn. Thing. Caren & Mel dispel the happily-ever-after myths of romantic love. There's SO much more to the story and you won't want to miss a minute of it. Grab your drink, sit back and let the love flow... #love #valentinesday #Romance 📌 Subscribe to the Channel: https://YouTube.com/cgmusc Look what we’ve Uncorked this month in this curated list of our favs: http://www.uncorked.store Check out the Uncorked spotify playlist for February here: https://spoti.fi/3AzyVKM This show is hosted by Vitalcy, the guide to living in a stage of growth, purpose, and discovery. Visit to watch all the Uncorked shows and more: https://www.vitalcy.com/watch/uncorked
View Video Transcript
0:01
hi everybody i'm mel greenberg and i'm karen glasser and you are listening to
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uncourt life exposed in the most unexpected ways where what you see is
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not always what you get i know it basic that's the case i know it's never what you think it is
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uncorked is proud to be on the vitalscene network and today what are we
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talking about it's february love love but first
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it's time to drink most important things cheers cheers what do you drink cosmo because it's
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pink and because you can because i could yeah and i i'm having a vodka cranberry so uh
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cheers and it's because it's red you know something here and cheers to you all welcome
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it's all about the love you know [Music]
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so karen what do you think of when you think of love oh my gosh you know when we first
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started talking about this topic it was like what do we not think what when we think of love that was like everything
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we talked about self-love and and relationship love and pet love and
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platonic love when i think of love especially in this day and age i think
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of family love i think of how i feel when i'm with my family and
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um it's that for me it's all about love how about you
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it's true and i think that we have been drawn over time and certainly our
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generation to the hollywood happy ending the romantic love without what it is and
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it is so much more and as i now am a new grandmother and i
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think about that love and your expanding heart that's what i think about just the expansion and what that can bring in and
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what that can include and during the time that we're all living in what it really means
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it almost feels like your heart is exploding when you have that kind of love it's so so so so full so we
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actually made a list of all the different kinds of love and since this is always a mel versus karen we thought
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we would approach it from that perspective and the first kind of love that we you know we came up with was
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self-love and we talked all about you know self-love in january as we were doing our
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uh our intentions and all of that when i think of self-love i think of all the things that i do in the morning i mean
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i'm up at a god-awful hour you know we talked about that before and and but i i really love myself at that time in the
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morning i have my little routine i do my journal i do my meditation i i do my
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meditation about gratitude and and all those kind of things so that for me is
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an everyday occurrence self-love is an everyday occurrence how about you work through teens so satisfying when you
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complete them and just it's it gives you a sense of calm and completing the tasks yeah i
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appreciate that very very much so what what does your self-love look like it really is taking care of and growing
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myself and i think that goes back to um being raised by a single mom who did
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everything for her children and for everybody else and she always she'd always say well
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i'll get to that i'll i'll take care of it with regard to herself she put everybody else first and and i do think
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to some extent women do that whether it's natural we are by or by virtue of just our societal pressures correct we
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do put everybody else first and but my thing is like you know if your cup is empty you're no good to anybody so i do
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take care of myself and that's um i take whether it's yoga whether it's exercising
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um whether it's knowing that i need to go sit in my room with a good book open
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doors and tune out it's whatever just sort of gives me the opportunity to to go within that's my self-love and you
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know and it's it's funny because um we we as women i think you're right we
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as women it's so it's almost ingrained in us and maybe because we watched our moms and our moms watch their moms and
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so on and so forth is that we came last in in many respects right
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in the beginning we we take care of everybody but ourselves right it's almost expected it's almost
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you're taking a bubble bath what what exactly are you doing no no
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no i used to say every time i took a bath that was when that was when the kids needed me whenever you know
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whenever or when i got on the phone just in the phone right that's the dogs are all on my feet
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yeah that's what i called it it's the mommy challenge it's the mommy challenge so i think self
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love is i think it's very it's like number one on my list it it which sounds sort of selfish i guess it's the number
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one thing that i you know do but i think that if as you said if we're not okay how is anybody else
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has it changed for you notably over the years and now as an empty nester and
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peak stage have you noticed that you're more in tuned with what that means and and and giving it to
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yourself righteously yeah exactly much more so i'm still a work in progress
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there's i'm clearly still a work in progress because when i when i do something for myself there's
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always in the back of my mind what else could i've been doing during this time for somebody else but i'm getting much
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better at it yeah and maybe it's because it's four in the morning what else am i going to be doing for anybody else at
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four in the morning i mean maybe maybe that's what it is maybe that's when i do it and that's why i do it and that's why
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yeah right because nothing else comes to mind like oh maybe i should be doing something else so for me it's the most
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important love i think that's out there because when you can do that then you're much
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better i think equipped to have romantic love right yes yes because you're not looking
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to fulfill yourself through another person you are filled there oh wow yeah yeah how many people how
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many people do we know each of us that are identified by the person that loves them rather than who
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they are themselves right yeah yeah so what do you do for romantic love what
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what does a mel picture look like oh uh you know it changes and it depends
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on on my state of mind which is is a little bit of a roller coaster on an ongoing basis as you well know
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but i think um it is it is always about being connected
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and tuned in so whether it's um literally watching the the ncaa national
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championship football game um because my husband is loves that more than
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anything but i also like i mean i'm not sacrificed to watch football you don't know i love football
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so giving in to that and enjoying it or whether it's something you know like here's an example last night we he and i
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just met um he does a radio show and after he taped that we met at our club and and just together had a glass of
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wine and caught up on things and had a lovely conversation and just being so just being present with each other
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whether it literally is watching a football game on tv or planning something exciting for our
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family you know i love to cook so i do and we have that on our list cooking is is love
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for me so i love preparing a meal and enjoying that together
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yeah it's pretty flexible but being tuned in to each other yeah very much so i do something we've been doing
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something for quite a while now is we have this little jar that um whenever something during the
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day something happens that i want to like leave a message for him like a sweet little message i love you or i
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love that you did this we write notes to each other and we put them in this jar
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now originally we started it so that at the end of the year we could open the jar up and then look at all the notes
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that are in there we're not as i mean i'd like to say that we actually do that on a regular basis we don't but we do
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put notes in there sometimes i'll stick a note up on his uh medicine cabinet in the uh in his
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bathroom just to kind of like i'm thinking about you you know i i love you and so for me that's part of the
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romantic love and also part of their magic love is making the plan making a plan you something just like you you
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said you know was kind of like on the spur at the end of the radio show and you guys just went over to the club you
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met and you did i like i'm a planner really no
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yeah i'm i'm a planner and i'm about the cliff girl exactly so i tend to like to want to
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make the plan it's the anticipation and it's the excitement like oh like for instance for you know for the the night
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of love valentine's day you know we're planning what we're gonna do we're gonna cook together so we're back to the food
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thing and we'll talk a little bit about that but we're going to actually cook and we're going to you know we've literally made a plan as to what we're
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going to do to celebrate our love so for us um it the whole romantic thing takes many
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different ways i would make a plan or we make a note um just as a reminder i
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think we all need to be reminded that we're loved um not just by self-love but by the other people in our world yeah
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that love us yeah i like that what about sexy lingerie is that something that happens in your household
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it can um it it's i i mean i can take it or leave it i find it i find that appeal
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in other ways but i also know that he really enjoys that so i isn't that
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interesting yeah i think my husband loves it too me i could take it or leave it um but i know he he loves it and so
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it's like okay it so the quite i have a question so um
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do we do things just because the other person likes it um or do we figure out a way to like it
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too um so that it's kind of mutual i would say both yeah and and i don't say that in
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in a forgiving or negative way there are plenty of times that his meter is
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like this and i'm just like when i just watch tv and go to sleep but i know that maybe he's had a rough day and the
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markets are going to haul in a handbasket and he's very and it's like you know what it's a gimme
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and and it is sharing but i also think that's love because it's it's it's it's honoring someone else's needs
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above your own and i'm okay with that and i and i appreciate that because it happens plenty of times on the other
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side of her ways never about sex because honestly and i do love it i don't think
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that i mean i don't know a woman on in my circle that likes it as much as the men
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in her circle isn't that interesting yeah i agree with that so it's always a little give and
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take but there is but there is give and take and yes so and i do i think that's okay i think
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it's again an honor of sharing right and i yeah and i think that romantic love and sexual love changes as
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time goes on you know i i always kind of hone down on the word intimacy um you
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know for me intimacy takes many different uh ways i mean it can be the act of sex or it can just be
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you know hugging each other or holding hands or just being close to one or taking a walk so there's a lot of
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different ways that romantic love can rear its head i think you know
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i put that question out to my group notes from the nest on facebook and
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because i was really curious as we're approaching this one that was last month and and the answers i got back were i
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completely connected with because it does change whether it's holding hands right
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just i mean sometimes we'll be walking somewhere and he'll just reach over and take my hand that's romantic love i i did and i just
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literally as you said that right feel good there's other times i want to take that hand and
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but that's but you know like you just right it's very important um
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that to kind of welcome those changes and i think there is no script right and and
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if we kind of and that word that's where winging it is really important and trusting and tuning into your feelings
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with each other and i love how you brought up how that it changes and year to year it changes totally matters
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when i was growing up i remember thinking i didn't really want to know if my parents were having sex i mean that
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was kind of like ew you know they were older and did they do that now how we are we're older and yeah we do that you
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know but it's funny because as we as kids we don't want to know what our parents are doing behind closed doors oh
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my god funny story i mean you know the first chapter of my book hold on
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so when i hit send to send my oldest son matthew and his then girlfriend
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um the manuscript i'm just like i hope this makes money because i'm going to need to pay for therapy for them
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and he literally and he go he texts his brother he goes i know it's not a memo i know it's not mom and dad just trust me
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on this tell her she's a great writer you know she is do not read it god that's funny because i could not get
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out the picture out he goes i know it's not you and dad i can't get that picture out of my head that that could be you and
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isn't that but it's so true it's so true so if you know for our view for our viewers or our listeners whether you're
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you know watching or listening on vital c or listening to the podcast um you know
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it's true right it it is it is true it do not was like way too much
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information [Music] oh my gosh so you know then we kind of
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moved into when we were talking about the show platonic love right and what does that mean we have friends i mean i
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love my friends i love you do i romantically love you no i don't i don't
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um but i love you as a friend and i and i can't imagine not having my friends in
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my life and i think that's a really important conversation to be had especially
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in this age range and and realm and development because
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those relationships are profoundly important and i remember
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that it's coming up on three years in um this month that i lost my beloved bruno
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my bulldog and those who know me know he was my soul mate my husband would note that
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he hoped i would be that broken up when he goes but right um
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but anyway after family and and we we went through everything with them the first person i called was my oldest and
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dearest friend from college kathy because that was where my heart went
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right that friendship and those friendships matter those front you know you don't
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always need to be and i and tell me what you think about this the whole soulmate thing
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i because i see posts and like oh this is my best friend my soul mate and they're talking about their spouse and
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that's beautiful but i'm thinking no no not
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we are deeply connected and i love him and i want to hold his hand until my last breath
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what would i say he's my soulmate or best i just don't know that i attribute that to those relationships because i
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think it's a it's a puzzle and there are so many pieces that that form those
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depths of connection that we need to survive and to thrive right a big part of that is the platonic friendships that
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we've built over many years and and new friends well you know pete the question is
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always ask do you need to like somebody before you marry them do you need to be best friends before you marry them
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is that friendship supposed to be there first before you move into romantic love and then you get married or whatever
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you're going to do that i believe that the best marriages started out of friendship and that you
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agree i really do um and and that if you don't have that if you don't have
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those deep deep relationships with that person that you love dearly you only love them to a
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certain part because you don't know them and that flame can burn and i you know and i'll reference my mom again because
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she passed when i was so young she dropped tidbits that she hoped i would take with me and one was to like the
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person that i loved because they were not that is not synonymous and lust and that that attraction is so
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strong and that burning passion it it dies very quickly if there's nothing
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underneath so yes i agree with you that that if a strong foundation and a friendship foundation on some level
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you know i mean there has to be a chemistry right for it to go to the next level you know right a lot of friends
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they never end up having a romantic relationship with but that'd be the first step i think i
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agree with you and and do we have to you know what as we grow older and we have family members
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i remember saying as i was getting older i didn't pick my family i don't because
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this is be pre pandemic pre all the craziness that we've been through where where my family became the most
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important thing to me but prior to that you would hear me say on a regular basis i didn't pick my family uh nobody can
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make me love them you know but i pick my friends and i pick the people that are important to me and therefore it means
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much more to me as you know we fast forward though and now we have a pandemic and we have all the other stuff and yeah maybe i didn't pick my family
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but thank god i have them for them i think about that with my two boys and
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i and i've shared it with them they're probably sick of hearing it but they truly are best friends
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and they've always been close not to say they haven't had their sibling right bs
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but you can't make that happen you can encourage an environment that
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[Music] fosters respect for your siblings or whatever but as far as creating you know
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making them be friends you can't that can't happen and it brings me the
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most joy right to see that now at 29 and 27
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they are friends that that friendship is so deep and and it's family and that you know it
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is family matters absolutely under the whole plat platonic
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thing though we also threw them pets and you um actually already mentioned you
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know the fact that you that you were so connected as i am even though i kicked them out of the
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room today um with my dogs i mean i i am i i love my dogs i love my animals i love my
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pets and sometimes i think i love them more than my spouse or my family because they love me
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unconditionally but that goes to what i was saying earlier about all the pieces that form
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the puzzle of our lives and together and and
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pets for for those of us who are pet lovers um there's no substitute that
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unconditional precious love is incredible absolutely absolutely so as we were like
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going through this whole thing was like what other kind of love is there and we came up with environment love in my case
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it's my backyard i spent almost a year through frustration trying to get the backyard done last year and getting my
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patio furniture but i love my backyard i mean if you can love a thing i do i love
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my backyard i love going outside i love sitting outside i love being by the fire pit we have a huge we laugh every day
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it's like where do you want to sit today let's go sit up there for a few seconds and let's let's go because we love our
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environment put together to for us outside what
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about you do you have a place in your house that you just love i do and i i came to love it um i as you know i
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grew up in southern california and i i miss being on the ocean a lot but i really came to love and have an
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incredibly different appreciation for my our little corner of the desert here
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and through this whole covid mess and i appreciate the quiet and in my house i
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have um an area that's become my little sanctuary my piano is there
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[Music] the windows open onto one of the fountains and i can be there during the
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day it's where i write it's where i read it's now where i read to isla and play with her and we
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it's a beautiful quiet it can be an escape i mean people can
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join me in our dining room table's four feet away right but it's on the other side of the house and it really is is my
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space and i kind of have have labeled at that so it's like stay away
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then outside through depending on where the sun is i pick a part of the garden then and again whatever mood i'm in
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kind of dawns where i well we've talked and you said okay i'm going to move to a different section
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right now and you literally have gotten up and moved to the other side of the house where it has a different view because it gives you a different feeling
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right yep yeah and we are so embedded in in nature
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in our desert we're up in the in the hills here and i love that and i will same i get up
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very early i like to watch the sun come up i also appreciate the quiet before everyone else wakes up
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and you can just to listen to the birds and and the cactus around in the saguaros
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it's a really beautiful and it's also inspiring so yeah environment yeah
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totally environment totally environment i and i think that we when we did this list we ended with food because food is
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love right it's it's how a lot of people express their love is by cooking and and
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home-cooked meals and and i remember you know growing up my my aunt you know
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walking into her house and i i just felt the love you could you could smell the the the horseradish you know and because
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if i'm jewish you know and we would make for passover she would own horseradish or you could
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you could smell the foods the brisket and the food that you it was love i mean i felt loved when i walked in there now
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i'm not married to a foodie you and i both know that my husband i think food is love he thinks food is
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peanut butter so no i don't know i don't know how you express love with peanut butter or or
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not but like he and i as i said earlier we're going we're going to cook dinner together for valentine's day we're going
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to make a list and you know what that's that's self-love on his part to to participate in something that he
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knows means so much to you and he wants to be part of that exactly
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cook everything i am i love it i grew up with it i i think the kitchen is the heart of
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the home and when we entertain no matter what's going on in any part of the house everyone
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gathers there and when my kids used to come home and they they could smell things cooking and
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and then when they were out and living away we'd get back and you're like oh you're making yada yada and it smells so
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good and and it is those memories and i remember my mom telling me that her favorite memory of passover was growing up my
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grandparents owned a hotel in what is now the gaslamp district in san diego and she said i used to sit on the stoop
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outside and then this was back in the 30s so a long time ago
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um grating horseradish remember there was nothing about the
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holiday or the significance of the holiday it was the food and it is the tradition of the gathering and the cooking and so
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i haven't thought about what i'm going to do for valentine's day this has really prompted me to
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i'm going to have to leave here and i will i'll keep you all posted yeah i mean i i actually said to my husband i
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said michael i said i i asked him this question i said what does romance look like to you what do
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you think when you think romance and of course he you know he said well sexy lingerie i said okay but other than that
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that's not romance that's sex what does it look like to you and he he said um candles at dinner time and i went oh
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oh that's lovely okay so i i wanted to really include him in the
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process of having a romantic evening and that's really where this all comes full circle right this is what this is all
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about this it's all about love however it looks in your household yes
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and it's so different and continually changing and i think it's it's up to us
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to to to love ourselves and acknowledge that that and accept those changes
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right there's a book called the five languages of love i don't know if you've read it but it's very fascinating
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because when you do the little quiz in there you find out how you accept love and what makes you know you happy versus
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what maybe your spouse or significant other he loves gifts he likes being given gifts he just loves
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receiver do you know because i don't remember and i was surprised at the one i got i can't
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remember which one it was but the the what the one that i did the quiz and i can remember like you are certain yada
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yada i don't remember what it was called all i know is that i don't like gifts that wasn't my that's not how i like to
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have love expressed to me i like somebody to do something nice for me like um clean you know empty the dishwasher
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that's a sign of love for me which is it sounds ridiculous i think but that's my thing i don't want a gift
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i don't need to hear any of that i want i want my husband to hold my hand every so often you know that's a sign of love
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how is your love expressed i mean when you think about how you like to have your love expressed what would you say
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from me or to me to you to me um i think doing something considerate i'm
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not so much i don't need i mean i like getting gifts don't get me wrong but
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um i think it's more action oriented that's that drives yeah what makes me feel
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loved and um here's an example the other night you know my matthew and heather and the baby live with us right now and
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we kind of alternate planning meals and the other night heather just jumped in and made this incredible dinner
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and and i was so grateful and and it was off the charts amazing and so it's just those little things
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that that are mean so much so you share it how you show love yeah so
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this is going to be a funny thing because um back in january
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when what i am so much more was our theme and was talking about intentions and goals and
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all the all the stuff and we talked about doing a life balance wheel and and we talked you know what it
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looked like and that we would do this every month we would bring it up and so what a couple of weeks ago we were
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watching the show and i know i know you did the same thing i did i went oh crap
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go find the wheel because we have a show coming up and we have to do this so
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um mel versus karen we both did something completely different i looked at the wheel that we had done in january
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oh that's not working for me at all so i went and found something completely different
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and i started so in january it was in the purple color or whatever color that was and then the green and i'm doing it
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all in one page i want to see my growth i want to see how i've gotten better or worse
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hopefully not worse in the different areas um you did something completely different you found something that was
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really cool and you're not with me i text you a while ago and i said okay i'm working
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on it and then i sat down to work on the wheel as it had been originally presented and
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it's giving me anxiety i'm just like i hate this format and i think that's why i have trouble
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with the the planners that are very rigidly defined right because i'll write
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something and then it's like now like i write notes and i i go through them and there's like 40 iterations of them and i
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throw it away start over right right until i get whittle it down so it was making me crazy i'm like this is stupid
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so i went online and i found a really cool website i just google life wheel there's a million of
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you know websites out there resources and i found this really cool outline and it was questions
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so for each category that's actually on the wheel that was broken down and it's in a box
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and there's like two or three some four questions in each one and answered the questions and so i'm
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going to do that each month and that just that i thought i liked do you know so the lesson the lesson is do what
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works for you do what works for you the whole idea of this to see growth is just to see where you have a deficit maybe in
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the different things in your life versus where you are overflowing with with things that are going really really well
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so mine my family piece was like way off the charts at this point because i've worked really really hard i never
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thought of it as work but i guess i have done a lot to make that the other stuff's not so much i looked at it my
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social life sucks big time and i i don't know maybe it's really how do
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you feel really um you know it's like i really need to work on that and i needed to work on it
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in january and clearly i'm gonna have to continue working it on in february because i had like very little growth in
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that where are you seeing growth on yours yeah so i need i'm seeing
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growth in my personal growth my personal growth
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and and i think that comes from i'm really working on my voice and articulating and
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speaking up not two weeks later when i've carried it with me because i don't like
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i just keep it all in so that that's my personal growth and where i need to
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get back or bring strength to is physical and that's simply because i got
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out of my practices during my holidays right and then um the house was sick and
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in the beginning of january and so now you know getting back to that and it's giving
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myself um the grace that i'm not going to say okay monday boy that's it it's going to happen but but because i feel
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better when i'm doing things when i have my physical activities um and i am taking up or retaking up
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golf i'd started lessons again i used to play and then i started some lessons before covet and that hit
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and then i just didn't and so now i'm going to get back to playing that right right yeah and i'm back to walking again um
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which is great and i've also dragged my hubby out with with me we we're walking every day now um not a lot but but we're
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walking and that's a start and that's right that's whatever you do that's wonderful right yeah right abs
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absolutely so mel you put together an amazing um song list a playlist on
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spotify we want to encourage people go check it out wherever you're watching this there are different places that you
31:41
can go check um if it's on spotify you can see it in the um the area in the description there's a
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link there to the spotify playlist there's also a link there to the the curated gifts that we picked out for
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this month that had all to do with love yeah well yeah so we really want you to
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go go check that out and a couple things we want to announce right um you and i
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are going to jump on an amazon live sometime this month and we're going to talk about
32:10
some of the products that we put into our gift pack this month um so we we want you to join
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us we're kind of expanding our our our you know universe our little universe we're going to do something
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we've never done before we want to be meta
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we want to be meta and uh and it doesn't and meta is any age right
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it doesn't matter what age you are you can be the exact age whatsoever i always love getting together with you
32:41
oh my gosh these are so much fun what message you want to send out to everyone today i want to just encourage everyone
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to embrace the love within them and to really appreciate the love around you
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while it's there and uh have a wonderful wonderful month we'll see you next month
33:01
absolutely and go check us out on vitalsy all of the shows live on vitalsy vitalseep.com forward slash watch
33:09
forward slash uncorked and when you go there all the shows live there go binge watch
33:14
right go and binge watch us and then tell us what you thought you liked the best we'd love to hear from you um go
33:21
out and give somebody an awesome day and we'll see you next month on uncourt