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Join Mel in this provocative conversation with Nancy Sharp. The Tedx speaker, author and Life Letters coach explains the power and transformative impact of sharing one's values, stories, and life lessons through the art of writing. Nancy shares her thougths on why this can create connections that transcend generations.
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0:02
[Music]
0:05
hello everyone welcome back to another
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episode of Life uncor thanks for
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watching I'm Mel Greenberg and I'm glad
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you're here so this month I was doing
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research for our topic and the same name
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kept popping up it was in quotes it was
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on websites it was in Google you name it
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I had to know more so I went down that
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rabbit hole of course and I discovered
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this really cool chick she's a tedex
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speaker
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and a life letters coach with clients
0:32
like New York Life Insurance the
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University of Denver American Academy of
0:37
psychotherapist to name just a few she's
0:40
an author with the master of Fine Arts
0:42
and creative non-fiction from goua
0:44
college and the speaker and she does
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know a thing or two about ethical wills
0:49
and best of all she's here with us today
0:51
Nancy sharp Hi how are you welcome to
0:54
life on court thank you so much Mel I'm
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so happy to be with you today and all of
0:59
your listeners and viewers I'm so glad
1:01
you're here and so I I do want to get
1:04
into the ethical will issue and I have a
1:07
feeling it has a lot to do with your
1:09
story and how you ended up where you are
1:11
today doing what you do today which is
1:14
remarkable so share a little bit of of
1:16
Nancy with us thank you so much you know
1:20
I do I feel as though life led me
1:22
exactly to what I'm doing today and I'm
1:24
really meant to be doing this work today
1:28
which is working with individuals and
1:29
groups to help them craft meaningful
1:32
enduring life letters um I'll go on to
1:36
talk a little bit about the Nuance of
1:37
the name uh in a little bit because
1:40
you're correct the traditional historic
1:42
term is ethical will but um when I began
1:46
to First teach people and groups um do a
1:49
lot of you know Retreats and whatnot how
1:51
to do this I found maybe not
1:53
surprisingly that there was a lot of
1:55
adversion to the word will so I renamed
1:58
it um and I call it the life letter
2:01
because truly it's meant to be something
2:03
that should affirm living today as well
2:06
as being a document that connect the
2:08
generations over time so you asked about
2:10
my story I was widowed uh very young
2:13
actually when our twins we have a
2:15
daughter and a son Rebecca and Casey um
2:18
they were two and a half years old when
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their dad my first husband died of a
2:22
brain tumor those words would have been
2:25
the most enduring gift imaginable
2:27
because as it happens you know children
2:30
as I said they're seniors in college
2:31
right now they have zero memories of him
2:35
well I have that experience I shared
2:38
with you earlier I lost my mother when I
2:39
was 17 and she left me handwritten notes
2:42
I still pull them out and and read them
2:44
to her handwriting I love exactly so um
2:49
so that sort of is the earlier impetus
2:51
and then I went on and I wrote my my
2:54
book my my debut Memoir is called both
2:56
sides now a true story of love loss and
2:58
bold living and I just started speaking
3:01
to different groups about storytelling
3:03
and resilience and Legacy then I became
3:05
a certified instructor and guided out of
3:08
biography um which I really really
3:10
started to teach in Earnest at the onset
3:13
of the pandemic because nobody was going
3:16
to big events speaking anymore I mean
3:18
the world basically shut down so I
3:20
wanted to find a way to make meaningful
3:23
connections with people no matter where
3:25
in the world you're from no matter what
3:27
age you are no matter what your Walk of
3:29
Life or life experiences is everybody
3:33
can speak on some level about Universal
3:37
themes like tell me about a branching
3:40
Point moment in your life a moment when
3:42
your life took a turn now in the few
3:44
minutes we've been talking you just
3:46
shared with me your mom died when you
3:47
were 17 years old that's a turning point
3:50
moment it doesn't have to be something
3:51
negative or traumatic it can be
3:53
something small to that his impact well
3:56
I love that you took a pivotal moment in
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your life and turned it into something
4:03
not only that helped you through it so
4:04
it was quite cathartic but now you're
4:06
helping hundreds thousands I imagine get
4:10
through pivotal times some better than
4:11
others in their own lives thank you that
4:14
means a lot to me and that's exactly why
4:16
I do this so it was through that work
4:18
teaching guided autobiography that many
4:20
students started to say hey would you
4:22
teach us would you teach us how to write
4:24
about an ethical will and I realized I
4:27
could teach it in a way that would be
4:30
very Universal and that would be very
4:32
impactful it's it is life altering this
4:35
work because we don't think of those
4:37
things we think of leaving the will
4:39
leaving you know who gets this who gets
4:41
that and instead of who gets who we are
4:44
and passing that on and that's
4:46
immeasurable it is the most enduring
4:48
gift of all there's no question about it
4:50
you know the LIF letter can complement a
4:52
legal will and I try to take the
4:55
pressure off and to make it not so
4:56
intimidating by suggesting just write a
4:59
simple letter number one and I I have
5:02
some nuggets that people can use as a as
5:04
a framework more or less I mean everyone
5:07
is unique and different but there's no
5:08
right or wrong you're it's from your
5:10
heart it's who you are right there there
5:13
are a couple of no NOS I will say oh
5:15
tell us right okay so the only things
5:17
you should really avoid doing when
5:20
writing a life letter or an ethical will
5:23
is it's not meant to be 300 pages of
5:26
your family history and the work I do
5:29
that so impactful is to help people in
5:31
groups write life letters which is a
5:33
much more distilled reflection of what
5:35
matters most it can be written by hand
5:38
also you know if I love my grandmother's
5:42
handwritten notes right but sometimes
5:44
people don't have good handwriting I'm
5:46
one of those people so I'll type other
5:48
times I have a lot of people I work with
5:50
they don't they don't want to do it at
5:51
all they write it on a little you know a
5:54
a legal yellow pad or they speak it into
5:56
a phone it doesn't matter what matters
5:59
recording you said speak to a phone do
6:01
people leave actual recording yeah I
6:03
always like to record them reading their
6:05
life letter at the end so I just want to
6:07
catch people in their most authentic
6:09
moments um reading from their heart and
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I feel that's incredible to have what
6:16
keeps you going now we're all aging you
6:19
you've amassed this incredible career
6:21
and you're touching all these lives what
6:23
keeps you going forward I do feel like
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I'm doing what I'm meant to be doing and
6:28
just to help people people and to meet
6:30
them where they're at wherever they're
6:32
at in their lives and their life's
6:33
journey feels deeply purposeful how do
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you want to be
6:39
remembered well um three words she was
6:43
kind for me in my life experience
6:46
kindness is is the value that sailes
6:49
above all the others because it
6:51
continues to bring me so many
6:53
extraordinary gifts I mean so many of
6:56
them that are unexpected what's
6:58
important is to maybe
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ask
7:01
yourself if you not not even how you
7:04
want to be remembered but what do you
7:06
stand what are two things you stand for
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what are two things that are really
7:11
important to you two values and then I
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wonder if you can think of a
7:17
story to wrap those values around um I
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believe in
7:22
kindness challenge challenge yourself to
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share a story about kindness it
7:28
certainly is a time to talk about what
7:30
have you learned um well it's almost
7:32
like you know we always and especially
7:35
in movies those deathbed confessions and
7:37
when families come together the the
7:38
father that was never there tells the
7:41
kids how much he loved them and
7:42
everything through his life on his
7:43
deathbed instead you're providing an
7:45
opportunity for us all to learn how to
7:48
take these simple steps do it
7:51
now well you know because it we should
7:55
not be going through our days right
7:59
just putting off saying what matters
8:03
most to the people we care most about
8:05
because and not to be morbid here but
8:07
life can happen I mean my story proof of
8:09
that that's a good thing because that's
8:11
just part of the cycle of life but don't
8:13
wait I mean CL say that in a but it is
8:18
true it is true right my grandma used to
8:21
say that when I would say how are you
8:23
and she she passed peacefully at 95 and
8:25
she would say it's another pushing up
8:27
daisies it's a good one and I love that
8:29
that's how she looked at life and it's a
8:31
beautiful Vantage Point that's amazing
8:34
my grandmother died at 96 and she used
8:37
to say at my age you don't buy green
8:41
bananas I love that okay I'm gonna
8:43
remember that that's great right but you
8:47
know we could buy a lot of green banana
8:49
she had a good attitude so Nancy what's
8:52
next for you well um gosh you know I'm
8:56
looking forward I'm leaving a retreat
8:58
another retreat retreat at the builtmore
9:00
Estate in Asheville North Carolina in
9:02
April and I want to spread the word here
9:05
because I hope that um everybody is
9:08
invited is that information on your
9:10
website yes we'll have a link to it
9:13
there um website again is writey your
9:17
lifel letter.com or they can reach me at
9:20
nsharp Nancy sharp.net and I do a lot of
9:24
custom Retreats too so sometimes people
9:27
will say gee you know I have a book
9:29
group or I have a woman's group or you
9:32
know I have families who've done this
9:34
too I just was leading a retreat in
9:36
Santa Fe I had two sisters and I had a
9:38
mother and a daughter um it also can be
9:42
something for Boards of directors right
9:45
or Legacy donors so I I have a book in
9:49
me too um I haven't really had a lot of
9:51
bandwidth to write it but you know I
9:54
feel like I'm I'm mining the Earth and
9:57
I'm mining the information
9:59
and and I go forward and what's next for
10:02
me is just to continue to serve in this
10:05
way I love it and you're doing an
10:07
incredible job and an incredible service
10:11
because as we've talked about in this
10:13
short time we wait and and for what
10:16
let's do it now let's leave the our part
10:19
of ourselves that we cherish that we
10:21
want to share with each other now and
10:24
you're helping us do it and I'm so glad
10:27
to have met you and that you took your
10:28
time you to talk with our community
10:31
today thank you so much for joining
10:33
thank you and I I just wanted to share
10:34
just one quick thing because I work with
10:36
a lot of people who don't have children
10:38
also and that's okay uh you know because
10:41
we all have communities on some level
10:44
and so um I wouldn't want anybody to
10:48
feel discouraged if they didn't
10:51
necessarily have children I would
10:54
imagine Milestones can be lonely times
10:57
for those and so it's wonderful to clude
10:59
that thank you for pointing that out
11:01
you're welcome you're welcome well thank
11:02
you so much I you know just wish
11:05
everybody well and reflective meaningful
11:08
time uh working on their life letters
11:11
thank you so much Nancy take care take
11:13
care everybody out there ciao
11:16
[Music]
11:21
thanks
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