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Are you Fearless or are you Fearful? Good question right? You asked us and this month we are talking about it. The road changes as we age - vulnerability and awareness all play significant roles. Join the conversation as we explore all the detours live serves up.
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[Music]
0:08
thank you hello everybody and welcome back to another episode of Uncorked live
0:14
I'm Mel here with Karen we're so excited this month or actually we're a little
0:20
perplexed and we're excited to talk to you about it because we've been thinking and feeling so many changes and what
0:28
better time to bring that up than spring you know you're thinking about it and
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we're talking about it Uncorked live with Karen Glasser and Mel Greenberg making the most of life's Peak stage and
0:41
sharing it all with you Mel it's March how did that happen I
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mean it's the third month of the year oh my gosh I don't know it goes so quickly you blink it's true you just blink and
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it's over and it's over so amazing we need to drink to that right I don't think so Cheers Cheers
1:03
oh and welcome back everybody we talked about this and we talk about how we go
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through change and I love the idea of being fearful or Fearless
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and you know what which are you I don't tend to be both I don't know how about
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you I tend to be Fearless um and then think about it afterwards you know I tend to jump into almost
1:26
everything and then revisit it because sometimes the things that I jump into I
1:32
shouldn't but I will say that I'm fearless I'm I think I am Fearless there is nothing that I don't think I can do
1:39
I agree with that and I've always kind of approached my life that way I figure I'll my brother who's who's a bit older
1:47
than I am quite a bit just in case he's listening but we used to talk about this and and
1:53
he's someone who's researches and studies and learns and which is awesome and it serves him very well and I'm
2:00
would say I'm the one I'll jump off a cliff and and know that I'll figure out how to fly before my sorry assets the
2:05
ground that's that most the time marks I think and I tend to do better under
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um well we've said we we love working by the seat of our pants and even in writing I'm a pouncer not a plotter and
2:19
I'm working with a writing coach Phenomenal Woman Kim green give her a shout out and she says I'm gonna make
2:25
you a plotter if it kills me yeah um but I I just that's what works for me
2:32
and but I think approaching change I have felt differently and maybe
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part of it was covid and part of it is aging feeling more vulnerable and a
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little more apprehensive about change and what's coming and I'm not so sure
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where that's coming from I don't know how about you I know I mean the one thing that the quote that always comes to me is that the only
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thing that's constant is change which is kind of one of those oxymoron kind of things right it's
3:02
constantly but it's it's changed but it's true I mean I don't think their day does not go by that I'm experiencing
3:09
change whether it's in my relationships or or my work life or my family life and
3:15
things like that and I think that's why we thought this was going to be such an important conversation today do you think you just are more aware of it or
3:23
in tune with it or paying attention to it because of where you are in your life I mean Health staying with me I've got a
3:30
good 30 years ahead of me 35. probably based on a lot of my members and my family
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if you think back 30 years A lot happened in those 30 years but
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when I think of where I am now and I think of that it's like oh my God there's not that much time so do you no
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and I yes sometimes I do and I think we talked about this last last month was that sometimes I looked at what's ahead
3:54
of us is much shorter amount of time than where we came from but I agree with you like I'm 66 and I also believe I
4:01
have at least another 30 years ahead of me I have good genes and my parents thank goodness are are still alive and
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so it for me I think the change is more obvious um because
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there's health issues and so it makes you think about things that maybe you didn't think about 30 years ago you
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didn't think about um somebody getting ill and that a family member or a significant other or
4:25
friend I mean you've had friends who who have had obviously severe illness and have passed I think that's the change
4:33
that was why change seems to be a little bit shorter and it feels like it's happening faster and faster and faster
4:39
because life is moving fast that's why I said in the beginning it's March I don't
4:45
understand literally how we got to March it's but I think also
4:50
it's coming to terms with your mortality right right and
4:56
even you know I don't move as quickly as I did 15 or 20 years ago or as long or
5:02
as I'm not inclined to do do things or participate in things that I might have right back then and I see that that is
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changing in relationships and I'm more appreciative of I've always been somebody I have a lot
5:16
of acquaintances I don't have a lot of close friends and that's completely wonderful for me right
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um but I find even more now I'm less tolerant of a lot of stuff I think that
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um it makes me again more appreciative and less tolerant but also more inquisitive
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I'm like am I the only one am I a freak thinking this way well you're not if you're a freak I'm a freak
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oh I think here's the thing I think that things that we used to be okay okay with
5:49
where we have we've grown and and we have realized that just because we were
5:56
okay with it before it doesn't mean it was actually okay and that's the kind of thing that I'm kind of grappling with
6:03
right now things that I just said oh you know it's okay you know they do now it's
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like ah mine's too short not okay I'm glad to hear you say that and I want you to talk about this more you know we put
6:15
out questions every month and one was how do I deal with feeling pressure from
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outside and specifically though not only right social media so like the
6:31
question was I'm part of a big community on you know in social media and I feel that if I don't want to participate in
6:37
things I'm kind of chastised and I how do you what do I do and and that's a great question and it's everywhere and
6:44
it's every age it's not just in our age group no it's true yeah but the difference in this age is how we're
6:50
gonna how we approach it oh yes right you kind of doesn't expect it and then there it is yeah I remember being in
6:57
high school and I remember feeling like I didn't belong and I would make
7:02
decisions hoping that if I said yes to something that I might belong and that
7:07
they would like me I feel like Sally Fields they like me they really like me and here we are fast forward to now and
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I still feel the peer pressure and really but the difference now is is that
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I've never been a joiner in the first place and now I feel I'm giving myself permission I don't have to be a joiner
7:28
and it's okay I don't want to do those things and it is more and more on social
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media the more I see what's going on in social media and again we I'm sure we all have our feelings I'm sure our
7:41
audience has our their feelings about what social media is it used to be one thing and now it seems to be something
7:47
completely different it feels a little bit icky to me and I don't go on as much anymore because I
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realize who cares if somebody doesn't like me right who cares it feels so high
8:01
school and in fact that's kind of what I went through for a while I felt like I was back in high school again like oh if
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I don't do this they're not gonna like me and now we don't remember thinking that
8:11
when I first my first book when I started doing interviews and I am
8:17
have always been painfully shy and people that know me don't think that because in my group with my people I'm
8:24
not but I would not I was always behind the camera never and I was always
8:30
they wanted me to be on camera that was pain no way so then I started doing
8:36
these interviews and I would I mean this is the kind of thing like I would get up and speak even in a group of friends and
8:41
I would be like fighting back like nervous Tears like that's how nervous I would get yeah when I started doing
8:47
interviews and I wasn't nervous and now and then I started thinking about it and said I don't really care if if I I mean
8:55
I don't want to offend somebody but if I say something he doesn't agree with or doesn't like they take away something
9:00
that's on them and I'm just going to do my best right and and that's okay I
9:07
still I am super super sensitive and I still will feel like if I do something I
9:14
don't want to hurt somebody even though I and even though I will come across like I don't care I do care yeah and I I
9:20
don't want to I was part of a group um you know like a private DM group on
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Instagram not too long ago and and I just wasn't feeling it and I it took me
9:31
forever to leave the group because I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings or we talked about this person and then I
9:39
thought I don't really that I didn't care it's like if that's happened okay I'm not feeling this and and it gives
9:45
room for somebody who does so it's a better thing yeah I think we wake up one day and we say we're tired of the
9:51
and we don't have to deal with this anymore and I for me it's cathartic it's
9:57
almost like oh I really don't have to do this and look
10:02
nobody is like giving me weird looks and nobody is like talking at least I don't think so nobody's talking about me but
10:09
even if they were it wouldn't really matter and I found them yeah because we're confident how we show up and I
10:14
think that that really is I think as we age and I think this is the big thing as we age we either get more confident
10:21
or we hide in we go into the house you know the other thing I think at this
10:27
stage too we're not like if I would like I do wish I could age backwards
10:32
um and that I felt like this in my 20s because I think I would have chosen many roads professionally at least
10:38
differently and but I think when you're the same you're not you don't look ahead
10:44
of you for the next 60 years I've got to build this everything I have and want to do is in front of me and there's so much
10:50
at stake now we do look at what's behind us and so the stakes are different you
10:57
know and I think that that really matters in how you show up you know or certain matter for you I think it should
11:03
matter and I think the other thing is to acknowledge that we individually may not
11:08
be somebody else's cup of tea oh what what yeah exactly but didn't we
11:13
always think until as now we it's like oh they don't like this like everybody
11:19
now it's it's we're I accept in fact even in business in business I do the same thing I actually will tell
11:26
potential clients uh it maybe I'm not your cup of tea and
11:32
it's okay I won't be offended or you know what this I might even say you know what I don't think this is a good fit
11:37
and you know what I actually feel like oh I I right for myself I spoke for
11:43
myself and the other person wasn't offended because I think that when you can walk that talk other people say oh
11:51
well she's doing it maybe maybe I should try that maybe I don't have to do it so I kind of figure that I'm a little bit
11:57
of an example that way but I truly just don't care anymore and it's kind of a
12:02
weird thing to really say that out loud because I honestly Mel as I'm sitting here I really don't care
12:09
um there's too many there's too many things that have gone on in all of our worlds as we have talked Ad nauseam in
12:15
my world it's been a lot of health challenges and when you have health challenges that change but everything else everything in
12:22
perspective you know we you know last month we went on a Valentine's cruise and it's funny because David I mean
12:29
we're we we enjoy life and we we especially enjoy being around our kids
12:35
and their friends and younger people and it's not uncommon that we'll stay up and and hang with everybody and this this
12:43
time we didn't and we really enjoyed a very different experience
12:49
um listening to music having wonderful dinners with our friends and and we were
12:54
walking the ship at night instead of you know that next day's going to the casino for another hour or whatever and it was
13:02
It was kind of we we talked about it I was like yeah it was kind of we kind of felt like grown-ups
13:07
and that's not a bad thing right awesome it's not about being comfortable in your own skin and and it's more than that
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it's your the expectations I think that you manage for yourself and appreciating you know again where you are on the
13:21
journey and and perspective and health does play into it because it totally does and our and our physical being
13:28
changed you know plays into it and the changes in our physical body also play
13:33
into it as well I don't know about you I mean I went for a mammogram last week
13:38
and every year I go for it and even though there's no breast cancer in my
13:44
family at all there's always that fear [Music] um you know that maybe this is the year
13:51
maybe yeah obviously I've had it and after five years
13:56
you're you're technically you go back to well for me it was seven because I stayed on tamoxifen for seven but you
14:02
you go back to just um routine not Diagnostic and diagnostic is when you
14:08
wait in the office and they tell you right what I'm blessed to be able to pay the difference right I require the
14:14
Diagnostics still to this day because the anxiety that would come up in me having to wait that week to 10 days for
14:20
over for you know for the mail right is worth is worth every penny so I agree I
14:27
know what you're feeling it's it's well what's funny about this if it's not funny I mean we know our Health Care
14:32
system is is broken we know that it took me six months to get my appointment
14:37
six months to get my appointment and it took two hours in the waiting room before they even took me in there were
14:44
people standing outside I'm you don't I didn't even know I was going to talk about this but it goes in alignment with this there weren't enough seats in the
14:51
waiting room they were so backed up it so I went in there so I had already had the expectation that everything else had
14:57
been delayed I was going to have to wait for the results right I came home
15:03
and there was a text they had already read the mammogram that's wonderful I'm
15:09
getting it was like immediately and but then I of course I was going well why couldn't they have been that way all the
15:15
way through the process but of course you know I'm not I'm not gonna look gift I'm I'm fine 100 fine and I make a lot
15:21
of Breeze for another year just you know okay but they got it done which tells me that they can get it done why don't they
15:29
you know and I the way I approach it and and the way that I keep my and I've talked about my anxiety with my health
15:36
and I've written about it at Great language um I go in I mean I pray that everything's
15:43
okay but for me I know that I do take care of my health I do stay on top of all my appointments and don't miss
15:49
anything so if there is something it is so new right uh that is that gives me
15:55
Comfort and that helps me kind of keep those demons at bay just live it is hard
16:00
yeah but it's why we also that and it's this nice segue right into the whole physical piece
16:06
we have a great sponsor we do Miss Elaine and core strength 50 is still my
16:13
go-to and frankly on the cruise it was so easy um it's everywhere you 20 minutes if you
16:19
don't have 20 you can do one round it's ten take a look and see what you think if you're over 50 and you've hit a brick
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wall with your training or you're just plain bored with your workouts I get it I've been there too but don't give up or
16:34
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16:47
can change your body at any age all right hey guys don't forget to check
16:53
out core strength 50plus.com she has a really really cool perky butt
16:59
exercise so you can all have a perky butt I know that we all want a perky butt so check it out and it works it's a
17:06
I love it it's fun now we know well I try but it's a good X it's a good series
17:12
it's really really good yeah and you know in addition to that I also walk as
17:18
you know I I put as you walk as well we take our dogs for a walk it's a great way to stay in shape so as we get to
17:25
this age the changes in our body are obvious and um as long as we keep it up I feel like we can live forever that's
17:32
what it feels like is if we keep taking care of our bodies the walking
17:38
um has gotten more important to me because it's become a bit of a spiritual yeah Retreat for me whether it's with my
17:46
dogs or by myself I really love the quiet and being out and I live in this
17:53
desert Southwest it's just in all its Glory every day I'm it's God's country
17:58
it's just incredible hi yeah I think about it was so funny so Mel Robbins one
18:03
of our episodes um talked about birds if you listen to birds for like five seconds even like it
18:09
was a very short time it can actually make you happy and I I went on like
18:15
frantically and found Bird apps because I'm gonna do that and then I'm walking outside and I'm hearing every bird Under
18:20
the Sun I'm thinking I don't need an apple I need a bird app I live in Pure Heaven and it does make you happy I'm
18:26
not a good person if I don't have my walks I'm not happy it's almost worse than if I don't have my coffee I I
18:33
hear you on that and I'm wondering you know the whole thing with the birds and stuff on bird feeders and hummingbird feeders
18:39
in our backyard to hear all the birds chirping every morning I wake up to birds it's amazing here it's it's
18:45
amazing I love that now one of the other things that changes as we get older is
18:51
our emotional you know ability to um respond to things
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um or not respond to things and about being vulnerable and all of those saying
19:02
how is that how how is that changing for you Mel as as we've as we're getting older I I really
19:09
question the vulnerability component um and I feel it more and I don't know
19:15
and and it really came to the surface during covid so I think there were just so many unknowns happening then and it
19:22
was a scary time for everybody but I really I don't know it struck me what we talked about earlier how we
19:29
approach things we just kind of go for it it felt like a little bit of that was was taken away I'm not so willing to do
19:36
those things now I'm not so willing to fly by the seat of my pants I want I need to feel a little more security and
19:43
I I am more needing to be in touch with my spirituality to help with that and it
19:50
and it does you know my prayers my friends that are in you know involved in the same Pursuits
19:57
um we really hold each other up and help help each other in that way well you know it's funny um even my
20:03
husband and I and now that he's passing through this um cancer experience and he's now kind
20:09
of getting through the other end we have been talking about the whole spirituality thing in a whole
20:14
um taking classes together and learning together and experiencing together and you know he's 11 years older than I am
20:22
and so there's a whole thing you know with that is you know but he for the first time ever
20:28
in our entire relationship since 1983 was never willing to do any of this kind
20:34
of stuff the spiritual uh stuff this self-development and he is now wonderful
20:40
yeah it's my partner in crime with that you know it is and I think that
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um however you find the chance to go through it and the way to go through it is what matters if it's
20:53
not working it's okay to change it just like you know friendships if they're not working it's okay it we all are changing
21:00
and if people and situations served you in a way that no longer do it's okay to let
21:07
them go have you heard the expression that people come into our lives for a reason a season or a lifetime I think
21:13
that that expression on it all periods of our life actually makes sense and so
21:18
I think that we run through that filter right those friends that came into our life because we needed them for whatever
21:25
and we they needed us they're not there with they're not our friends anymore and it's not a good or bad thing simply
21:31
it was done right but you know what don't you go to that place I do I shouldn't say don't you but I go to that
21:37
place if if a friendship is changing and it's like did I do something is there
21:43
something wrong with me that I can't keep friendships or that I'm not holding on to this this person in this way and
21:49
getting to the point where you say no it is okay because they're going through changes too and they need different
21:55
things and different experiences in their lives that they're probably not getting from you either and it is so it
22:00
is it's okay it is okay it totally is okay and you know as we were making this list of
22:07
things that change in our lives the big change for us as as co-hosts of this
22:14
show is our professional lives are changing as well um we're really excited because we are
22:20
now on YouTube how fun is that and that's different for us we started as a
22:25
live show right we were a live show and then we were a podcast and then we
22:31
were a podcast that also had video and you and I had this whole long conversation if we we need to do us we
22:38
don't need to do what everyone else is telling us what we need to do right back to that peer pressure thing pressure
22:44
right and so we decided to launch our YouTube channel I mean literally we just
22:49
launched the YouTube channel so you know you guys know I love technology so we have a QR code over here and literally
22:56
all you need to do is take your phone and put it on camera and it will automatically scan that and will take
23:02
you over to YouTube and so we are making a request of everyone who is watching this our request is go and subscribe
23:08
because you will get notifications every time we have a new show and there's a lot of new things that are coming out as
23:14
well that we're not going to talk about today but you want to be subscribed because you will miss some of the stuff
23:20
that we are going to be doing that's really cool and that comes that goes back to what we
23:26
talked about being open to change because we were we're both kind of not heels in the sound but a little bit
23:32
about some of the changes um that were presented to us and opportunities that were presented to us
23:37
that we didn't see coming and we didn't really think about right um but then we thought why not you know
23:44
what life is short and fun and let's let's enjoy it and be open be open because if you're not open you won't
23:51
even see it right yeah so we had another question
23:56
that came in this actually this question was for you Mel and and it isn't a lot it actually is one of the other changes
24:02
that happened and that that's the whole grandparents are raising the kids and intergenerational stuff and somebody
24:07
said I'm going to read this somebody sent in a question um specifically to you you have spoken
24:13
about having your kids back at home with you one of my adult kids is moving back home
24:20
do you have any tips that would love some tips great question
24:25
okay well first thank you and and um and I appreciate that and I I am excited for
24:30
you um I have had both of my children and my
24:36
daughter-in-law and they're now baby they're almost two-year-old baby with us it's been an incredible experience I
24:43
wouldn't trade it for the world I think yeah you gotta set boundaries um I would recommend
24:49
um and and just build on the relationships and the funnest thing was was
24:55
having my adult children home in their home you know and they're back in their rooms and
25:01
but they're adults they're not they're the kids that left so it really is
25:07
starting over and appreciating and respecting where they are in their life too I'm not I'm always their mom but I'm
25:14
not Mama there getting there you know getting off to school and getting them to their their you know games and
25:20
whatever so I would just say set boundaries um very clear ones and and be flexible if
25:27
and appreciate that that it's I would assume it's temporary um in fact I just I had a total meltdown
25:34
um and making this public now so my youngest um moved into his house the house um
25:41
that he was building um he just closed he moves in next week so he'll be leaving and what when he was
25:48
going through that a few weeks ago Matthew and Heather started looking for a house and um he went when he when
25:56
covet started he's an editor and a producer in LA and they came here full-time but he was free he went
26:02
freelance so he had to you know have um two years of that under his belt for
26:08
to qualify right and that time has come and so now they're looking and I just
26:15
drove away I'm feeling terrible for you right now and just had a little Saab Fest for myself it's like oh my God my
26:21
Nest is going to be empty and then I put it all in perspective and you know how blessed I am that they're in the
26:27
same town which I really never expected and that's awesome so it was funny and
26:33
then you know and I have friends that have had their kids home and they they are kind of excited that they leave because they're they keep house
26:39
differently and you know it's crowd you know things change you have to be able to
26:44
um kind of go with the flow on that and that is the biggest thing I would encourage you to do again thank you for
26:50
your question is to be flexible and really appreciate that it's temporary
26:56
that these moments won't come again so as different as they are and for them
27:03
because I it's I've had the best but God now three years I'm jealous I actually
27:08
am jealous I sometimes think about the idea of having a compound where the whole family lives in
27:28
yeah compound is I think that's kind of my husband's dream and and we got this
27:34
land and we're building this I know joking I was like well we have room we can build another house for you
27:40
no you know and I don't think I would have ever even wanted that when I was 30. and I think that's the change too I
27:47
think that that's all part of this whole conversation is that we start thinking about things that we never would have wanted as youngsters as 20 years old as
27:55
30 years old but of course I wouldn't expect them to sit back and think the
28:01
way that I do about something the you know with the same um implications or needs or wants
28:09
um anymore like you say than you would have at 30 because you're at a different you're in a building mode right at that
28:15
age you're not in an enjoying settling back winding down mode that I think yeah for
28:21
the most part we are for the most part I don't know um relationships change absolutely no
28:26
it's crazy and I I want to take this opportunity to introduce this month's interview with
28:33
Julie Chan and she's a very successful um interviewer she's got a great show I
28:40
first came across her years ago she did the she had a like a watch party for the royal wedding and
28:46
um and then she interviewed me on her show and and we've stayed in touch and stayed friends from afar all these years
28:52
and and she's gone through so many changes that I thought this would be
28:57
great to talk with her and then lo and behold when we finally got to sit down and catch up she she threw some major
29:04
curveballs and and again you'll see and when you see the the entire interview
29:10
which I encourage you to watch and you can see it with that YouTube link the way she approaches change and I
29:17
think we can learn so much from her so please enjoy Julie Chan so all of these
29:22
changes I mean my God the biggest change 2020 the pandemic how did that time
29:27
affect you and your Pursuits whether you know with your family with news and and your career
29:33
so I don't actually attribute this huge Epiphany and change to the pandemic per
29:40
se but I did have a life change during the pandemic um and I've heard that many people did
29:48
and I am apparently one of those many which is the realization that my
29:54
marriage didn't work and it wasn't for me anymore
30:00
um it the light went on just before the pandemic and looking back I think it was
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years before that that sort of the writing was on the wall and there were
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things particularly that my daughters were saying you know when my oldest
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daughter was five years old she said I'm never getting married and I'm never having kids and that broke my heart
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because I thought oh my gosh that is a reflection of me I
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must not show her that I enjoy motherhood or I enjoy marriage and I
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must make it look terrible that this is not a life she wants I can only imagine how devastating
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though because I know how family how important your family is to you
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I never ever imagined getting a divorce divorce was the big d word it's like who
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does that like not me not anybody I know not anybody you know in my family like
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that will never happen to me no matter what I will work through it and
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um just before the pandemic hit
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um I had interviewed a book author and I um
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came home really late one night and I somehow realized that this
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was not even a relationship there was no
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conversation I was so excited about this interview I had just done with this 97
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Year young book author who wrote a book and published it at that age and I got
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to interview her at this beautiful private club in Pasadena and there were over 200 people there and you know we
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were up on a on a platform and there were cameras and lights and it was such
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a fun experience and I thought I can't even share this
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with my husband because he's actually not going to care I don't think that
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this is the marriage this is the partner that is going to be able to support me
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in this journey and I'm not talking financially financially he was always very
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supportive um but there's just so much more than that I have so many career aspirations
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and I know that I'm here to do really big things and I will make it on my own
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and I will be a role model to my daughters that
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yeah they do anything and they don't have to be in a relationship for
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financial stability well we're back how did you enjoy that isn't she amazing
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open to being vulnerable about the biggest change in her life that
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being her marriage and and the the loss of it and and you know what she gained
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for herself and her three daughters and and I commend her for willing to to
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discuss it and and share because and she was so sweet she said if I can help one person go through these this kind of
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change in these major life impacts then I'm happy and I want to talk about it so
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I really really appreciate her check the show notes guys there's a
33:36
YouTube link in there you can go in and listen to the entire interview all right I know you're gonna like it
33:43
um we always want to make sure that you know how to check out some of the cool things that we have
33:49
um again QR code take a look that that way take a look take a look up
33:54
there um scan it that's our Uncorked playlist Mel always puts great music in there it's always playing in my house on the
34:01
different um Alexa's that live all over my house I move from room to room and the music
34:07
keeps playing so we really want you to go check that out as well and as we said before go ahead and subscribe to us on
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uncorklive on YouTube because we have some really cool things that are going with that I mean up this has been quite
34:21
the conversation it was and I hope it's it resonates with you and if you know
34:28
um reach out to us we love your questions and we'll we'll get to you privately
34:34
um just hang in there every day is new and every day is if you're open to it presents so many
34:41
awesome opportunities to go through changes and those changes can be really exciting we hope you've enjoyed the show
34:48
and that you will stay with us we'll see you next month right here on unchords
34:54
live see you later everyone [Music]
34:59
it's your time make the most of it foreign
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