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hello everyone Karen Glasser here and
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welcome to minding your mental health
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I'm here with my son and co-host Rob
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Glasser how you doing Rob I'm like that
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guy I sound like that guy okay let's get
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ready to rumble okay but we're not gonna
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do that so on this show we talk about
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topics that shape mental health today we
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teach the importance of inclusion and
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share why we should be kind so whether
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you're here live or in replay we love
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you make sure you tell us where you are
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tuning in from in the comments below so
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today we are talking about habits what
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are they how we build them all those
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wonderful things and Rob I know you
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pulled a great article called how to
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build good habits and break one bad one
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so why don't you start out with the very
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first one what is it that they tell us
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opencolleges.edu.au wrote this article
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um and you know obviously beginning of
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the year why not talk about ways to make
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your veterans number one make it about
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your identity so that's an interesting
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um earlier today I was on a session and
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we talked about the difference between
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uh inattention versus resolution and my
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identity says that resolution is not
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really a happy word it's actually a very
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bad word it's like you know you know
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what so intention so make it about your
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identity what kind of person are you
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looking to become what are you looking
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to do and what are you intending to
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um that way a little bit less pressure
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and you don't really have to and again I
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don't really go for the success I go for
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the as long as you do everything you can
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to try to do what you wanted that's the
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goal of intentions so make it about you
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um create an optimal environment for
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your personality to facilitate said good
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um this one you know look I was written
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through it and again I'm trying to come
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at it from an opinion base because
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obviously I don't want to just read what
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um optimal environment is kind of a
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vague term but what I think they mean is
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put yourself in a place that you can get
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the job done if you give yourself
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um I don't know outstanding things that
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probably won't work more than likely
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you're not going to reach what you're
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going so put yourself in an environment
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so to speak as they say
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um where you can actually do the work
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um you know knowing me I one reason why
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I'm switching my words this year is
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because knowing from last year the words
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were different and the words didn't work
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and I put myself in an environment that
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didn't make much sense and I couldn't
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really get the job done because I was
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looking at it backwards now that I'm
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looking at it the correct way
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it's easier to do and it's not so hard
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when you fail a little bit because
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you're still doing it the way that makes
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sense so is there an example for that in
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terms of putting yourself
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but for instance uh one thing that I'm
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looking at for the videos that we're
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doing here plus the other ones I do is
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to do more opinion based chat because
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I'm noticing that people prefer to hear
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it from the heart and to hear my take on
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said topic and I know that from already
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a couple of videos I've done I've gotten
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an actual responses two questions I've
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asked on live video right and I was
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actually shocked and I was going oh
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people actually are listening they're
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not just here watching for the hell of
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it they're actually listening so that's
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an example there you put yourself in a
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way where you actually get the outcome
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you want and lo and behold
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I I did you know and you just want to
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keep that up and that's the Habit you
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want to have it so that's what it so
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that becomes the Habit that you put
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yourself in the new environment and you
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keep doing it and and you get right and
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you might not notice it immediately and
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you might notice immediately it might
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drop off it might come back but the more
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you do it 98 you're going to be getting
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more often right right on your results
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so what's number three on that list all
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right number three consider the
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compounding effect of both good and bad
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bad just like the yin and yang of
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Chinese culture you can't have one
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I don't even know what that's from
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necessarily I just know I know it
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um so their idea here is you can't
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really do one without having something
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else as well so for instance if you look
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at a negative uh a thing saying oh well
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maybe I didn't make that job or I didn't
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get the job I wanted well it's not so
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negative when you go okay I can move on
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to something maybe greater and better
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right so compounding really defining
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means put them both together so what
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you're going to do is you take what
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would be considered bad mix it with the
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good to use the actual full because you
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want that I don't know what they call it
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in in the yin and yang in the thing but
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the neutral section basically is a mix
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of both and that's really how you
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right not survive but that's how that's
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how you live correctly I guess right by
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by mixing both and it sounds funny right
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but even talk you know talking about
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therapists and stuff you if you bypass
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every negative thing you do you actually
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screw yourself up because you're not
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what didn't work in order to make it
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work right so right and this is all
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coming from James Clear who we're going
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to be talking about his book Atomic
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habits this actually is talking about in
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um stacking something that's positive
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was something that you maybe not want to
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do like get on you don't really want to
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be on the treadmill but you can't wait
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to watch that great movie on Netflix and
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so you pair it and you get on it and
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make you combine it right
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some treadmills even have TVs now so
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there you go there you go
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that's weird but sure
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so what's number five
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oh number four sorry what's number four
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let's do four before five shall we okay
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um choose the best solution to whatever
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it is you're trying to figure out now
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this one's kind of the two-fold so
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I'm putting this up here hey Paula
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thanks for commenting Love and Marriage
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thank you Paul which I don't know why I
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was not a good show but that's where I
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heard the song not TV show
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um okay so pick the best solution to
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said problem or or difficulty
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um and again this kind of goes back to
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my first thing intention versus
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you don't need to have a problem or a
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solution to have to better something you
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just want to better something for the
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hell of it because it's going to make
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you feel better so I would tweak this a
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little bit too pick the best end goal or
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best idea or intention let's use
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intention because I like intention right
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through whatever it is you're trying to
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figure out so for instance using kind of
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the treadmill same thing let's say I
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used to like love going hiking it's a
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little cold right now but I would still
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love to go back out so an intention
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could be try to walk around the block
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five ten minutes a day
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it's not a hike but it's outside for a
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few minutes right now something we do
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here you know we drive so I'm in the car
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kind of in my safety net when we're
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there but going out in the car for five
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or ten minutes is also towards the goal
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of being out so pick a thing an
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intention an idea if you want to use the
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word idea that's fine that will Aid me
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towards what you want the goal here is
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not to have a goal it's to just kind of
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figure out what what you want to do
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and make you feel better you don't have
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to have an ending puzzle piece you just
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have an idea where you're going I'm
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curious we have people that are watching
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we have people live on today
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um what do you call them you call them
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resolutions you call them intentions you
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call them goals and then how do you set
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out let us know what you're thinking
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right now all right Rob let's move on to
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see what distractions are actually what
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they are look at them for what they
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it's a distraction it's kind of like oh
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you look out the window oh look bird you
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know it's like the squirrel joke with uh
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the dog and up and all he sees is
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squirrel and he just think that's all it
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is this is distraction it's really part
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of life is what you're supposed to do
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the the fact that you can can notice all
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this it's actually good it means your
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brain's working it means you're you're
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seeing stuff you're going around but
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take it for what it is take it for a
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word as a definition it's really just
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something that might be there in the
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moment right but it's not necessarily
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going to be there full time
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what about number six
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I'm not going to read the whole one
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because it's rather long but it's called
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incorporate the laws of behavior change
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right and basically it's categorizing
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them in two spots attractive not so
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attractive the ones that aren't so
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attractive to your well-being
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ones you probably don't want to do right
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the ones that are attractive to your
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or the ones you want to do and that's
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really basic you know simplifying it's
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super down they literally have a list
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which you guys can check out but really
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it's just a matter of the things you
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don't want column B the things you do
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want call them a it's like legit you
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know what if you don't take something
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from here and whatever
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that's what number six is it just know
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what they are in a list if you can
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the Bad and the good right the bad The
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Bad and The good you can use both for
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later usage right exactly
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so I know number seven we're going to be
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putting systems ahead of goals so they
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they actually are saying don't talk
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about gold so much let's get those
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systems in place so what is that all
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about right so to me it's a matter of
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doing the work to get to what you're
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doing you can't just wake up one day a
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billionaire as much as we like it you
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have to actually put the steps in the
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system in my mind is the actual work so
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I would replace the word system with
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work and basically they're saying put in
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the work to get to your goal the work
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will change depending on who you are
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what you do but it's the same idea for
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everybody you get up you do the thing
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you get the prize you're happy boom
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right and I but I think that what he's
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really referring to is things like if
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you finally create that habit to keep
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your house clean but and you do it once
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but you have nothing in place to
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remember to go clean your house again
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that's not going to become a habit that
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you're going to do I'm going to put up
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um Krista's to come in here I love the
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word intentions better than resolutions
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or goals I was chatting about this with
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a friend last night and we agreed it was
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has to a better feel to it there's no
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end to strive for next exactly right
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yeah and that's what I was talking about
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with my therapist earlier there's no you
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don't need to have the goal you don't
11:39
need to have the success all you're
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doing is just saying hey what do you
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want to do today and what are you going
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to do if it doesn't get done it's not
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the end of the world you can do it again
11:48
another day right it's more or less what
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can I what resources do I have to use
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what can I take advantage of today to do
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it it and that's your thing that's
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exactly yeah yeah good comment now at
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this point if you don't mind me taking
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uh create unique context for developing
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different habits to me that's a really
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fancy way of saying figure out different
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ways to create new habits you want
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simple as that whether it's a list or a
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journal like you whether it's internal
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dialogue like me or whether it's a
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mixture of both things you make the
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things work in the way you want it's not
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going to be everybody's same thing and
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I'm sure when we get to the books you
12:26
will notice that each of them have their
12:28
own criteria so to speak make your own
12:31
criteria If X Y and Z doesn't work go to
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ABC maybe QRS whatever you want to do
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pick what works and make those habits
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stick so passing it back to you now all
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right so I think originally I was going
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to start with tiny habits which is the
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original habit book that James Clear
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when he did Atomic habits it literally
12:53
came from him reading tiny happens but
12:55
because we're on Atomic habits right now
12:58
and on the whole thing with uh James
13:00
clear and again guys they all basically
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say the same thing it's just in
13:04
different languages so in atomic habits
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which is a phenomenal book
13:09
here's the book it's a great book it's
13:12
not a hard read at all I suggest you go
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check it out take your camera out go
13:17
scan the QR code and you can go check it
13:19
out online don't do it now though
13:21
um so first of all he says that there
13:23
are four laws of behavior change that's
13:27
his basic Foundation
13:30
um don't have an obvious daily cue to
13:32
exercise you're going to forget to do it
13:34
don't have an easy exercise routine
13:36
you're going to perform the easy but the
13:39
you know the familiar like watching TV
13:40
don't find exercise appealing you'll
13:43
resist exercising don't get immediate
13:46
satisfaction you'll lack the motivation
13:48
so he says three things stacking and
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starting now we just talked about this
13:53
and what you were saying in those
13:54
different things you stack a habit that
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um uh going and uh having a trigger for
14:02
that habit so let's say you want to go
14:04
brush your teeth but you want to
14:06
remember always after you brush your
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teeth to take your vitamins so that's
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just a tiny little thing instead of
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saying my entire morning routine I'm
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gonna get up I'm going to wash my face
14:15
I'm gonna brush my teeth I'm gonna eat
14:17
breakfast right have the tiny little
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thing first so for instance read before
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bed each night becomes read one page to
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the very tiniest thing study for class
14:27
but could become just open my notes in
14:30
my book right uh second thing he says is
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syncing and scoring and you did mention
14:34
that already when you
14:36
um connect and synchronize an experience
14:39
that's happy with something that you
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really don't want to do
14:42
there's a chance that you're going to be
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motivated to do it and
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um so those are the two things that I
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think are very very important that we
14:49
want to share on this the second book is
14:52
actually the first one and everything
14:54
came everything came from this book BJ
14:56
fog tiny habits HD there you go yeah
15:00
this guy's pretty bright founder of
15:02
Stanford's behavioral Design Lab oh okay
15:07
that's pretty impressive right that
15:09
doesn't say much what does yeah exactly
15:11
so DJ Fogg um this PhD he tells three
15:16
different parts that he talks about
15:17
first of all shrink Behavior very
15:19
similar to watching versus right if
15:23
you're not gonna if the task is too hard
15:25
you're not going to be motivated to do
15:28
it because you need much higher levels
15:30
of motivation but if the task is easy
15:34
you're going to be motivated because you
15:35
can get it done quickly so the tiniest
15:37
version of a 60-minute meditation
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practice could be one breath meditation
15:43
just start right the tiniest version of
15:46
daily planning routine is writing down
15:48
one to do item rather than I have to do
15:51
10 things very similar to that article
15:54
what you have there number two identify
15:57
the action prompt and he very very
15:58
clearly talks about action prompts
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meaning something that actually happens
16:03
it's a it's a movement again brush your
16:05
teeth take your vitamins it's an action
16:07
rather than it's an external prompt that
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you have a Post-It note sitting on your
16:12
uh desk that says you're supposed to go
16:14
brush your teeth now you have to get up
16:15
you have to walk over and brush your
16:18
teeth does that make sense that how he's
16:20
defining these yeah I mean it seems like
16:23
most of that stuff is common but I guess
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you don't do it regularly enough it
16:30
harder to do right and then it's no
16:32
longer a habit right if you're not doing
16:33
it regularly it's not a habit anymore
16:35
right exactly exactly finally part three
16:38
he says grow your behavior with some
16:41
shine guess what he means by shine he
16:43
means applaud tell yourself how proud
16:46
you are that you did that action right I
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know you like and I know how much you
16:52
um told how good you do I like to be
16:54
told so but give yourself that that
16:57
shine I love that I love the idea of
16:59
shine now the third book
17:03
is The Compound Effect
17:05
and this is by Daryl Hardy now uh Darren
17:10
Hardy rather not Daryl Darren Hardy I
17:12
actually have been to a conference with
17:14
him and again he talks about tiny habits
17:17
when put together become the actual uh
17:22
event that you're trying to do right
17:24
it's the principle of reaping huge
17:26
rewards from a series of small smart
17:31
first of all he talks about choice
17:33
we have choices every day right we make
17:36
decisions every day as to what we're
17:38
What He suggests you do at the end of
17:41
is to look at that list of choices that
17:43
you did and if some of them don't
17:46
resonate or not really with what you
17:48
want to do and where you want to go
17:50
then that's not a good choice get rid of
17:53
it cross out any choice that doesn't
17:55
work second thing he says is why power
17:57
and I love this we always talk about why
18:00
do you do things you do it you have a
18:01
strong why I do it because I do what I
18:04
do because I want to make an impact on
18:06
people Rob why do you do what you do why
18:09
do you do your podcast
18:11
um I mean other than being enjoyable
18:13
yeah I want to you know give my two
18:18
anything I can you know help with right
18:21
and if you didn't have a why
18:24
you probably would stop doing it you
18:27
probably shouldn't be doing that to
18:28
begin with yeah right so he literally
18:30
goes and says you have wise it could be
18:33
a negative y or it can be a positive Y
18:35
and I love this it doesn't have to be
18:37
Noble it just has to move you on he says
18:40
so either it can be a loved one
18:42
I am doing this to provide a better
18:45
future for my family that's a love it's
18:47
a positive thing the negative hate thing
18:50
I'm going to do this to prove such and
18:52
such is wrong or I'm doing this to
18:55
defeat somebody interesting right so
18:59
but it's a negative or positive and
19:02
finally he talks about book and routines
19:06
so you want to build your performance
19:07
around world-class routines so he says
19:10
in the morning review and he bookends it
19:13
that's what he means by bookends in the
19:14
morning when you wake up review your
19:16
vision your mission set your top
19:18
priorities for the day your one task you
19:21
have to get done and then at the night
19:23
on the bookend your nighttime reflect on
19:27
the choices you made during the day be
19:28
grateful for the wins that you had
19:32
and curious about how you can improve
19:34
for tomorrow I love these books
19:36
um and what I love about it is is that
19:39
if one doesn't speak to you in your
19:42
language one of the other ones will
19:43
right sure they're all in different
19:46
kinds of ways so I suggest you go check
19:48
out these books read the book cover
19:51
look at the book cover and see if
19:53
there's something at the back of the
19:54
book cover and see it if it speaks to
19:56
you or or if it doesn't
19:59
um do you have any habit books that you
20:01
read Rob or is this really it's it's
20:02
more of the action of the habit for you
20:05
you know I mean I'm the opposite I and
20:07
this is no offense study to them they're
20:09
very good at what they do
20:10
um it's just a matter you know it's you
20:13
you do what you do for the reason you're
20:15
doing it and only you can do to can do
20:18
that I don't mind you know hearing an
20:21
idea or so but to be honest I would you
20:24
know going to a motivational speaker
20:26
even though we talk about them a lot
20:27
like Tony Robbins or one of those as fun
20:29
as they are to kind of hear and how you
20:31
know boasting they are yeah it doesn't
20:34
resonate with me at all as opposed to if
20:38
I just go okay I'm doing this for here
20:40
and this is why that's going to get me
20:42
more said to do it right because it's
20:45
coming out of my mouth versus right
20:48
professional and again these guys are
20:50
professionals there's no harm in what
20:51
they're doing it's just a different
20:53
format of doing it it's one reason why
20:55
you know learning or hearing you know
20:57
like a historical thing is more of an
21:02
being taught how to do history because I
21:05
don't exactly I don't care as much how
21:07
you do history I just want to know the
21:09
story and then I can make my own
21:11
judgments from that and it goes with the
21:14
habits too and I think you know
21:16
um all you I'll use the guy from Pokemon
21:18
somebody who you know is autistic on the
21:20
Spectrum who really looking at him as a
21:23
kid probably was a kind of a funky weird
21:26
guy because he was out there playing
21:27
with bugs but yet he created this in
21:29
giant Empire and now he's probably
21:30
laughing at people going haha Look at me
21:32
now but it's the same type of idea it's
21:35
not a matter of why you're doing it or
21:37
what somebody else thinks about it if
21:39
you have your passion to do it and you
21:41
have the habits to do it try it if it
21:43
doesn't pan out all good right what you
21:46
did the effort to do it and that's what
21:48
they had on the back is for it's the
21:50
fact that you took a couple years or
21:51
whatever to do it or not even years just
21:53
a couple weeks to do it and that's for
21:55
me what the Habit is I don't care what
21:57
the final thing is actually going to
21:59
come from but knowing that I you know
22:01
knowing that I am pushing myself to do
22:03
it and that I came up with it right that
22:06
than the billion dollars that you know
22:09
somebody you know what I mean from
22:10
somebody making so it
22:13
and the reason why we're talking about
22:14
this today obviously it's the new year
22:16
and we all tend to start the new year
22:19
with okay to this year is going to be
22:21
the best year yet and I'm gonna do these
22:24
3 000 things and I'm gonna you know yeah
22:27
it doesn't work it doesn't work that way
22:30
um it I love the word intentions Rob I
22:33
just think that that is a perfect word
22:35
that we put out our intentions for the
22:37
year I mean we have an intention to do a
22:40
show every single week for minding your
22:42
mental health and to make an impact we
22:44
want to make sure that our listeners our
22:47
followers our Watchers are getting the
22:49
content that they want and also some
22:51
helpful things which leads us into some
22:54
of the resources we want to make sure
22:56
that you know and that is if you are
22:58
suffering right now from anything that's
23:00
mental health related and you need some
23:02
support go check out some of these
23:06
nimh.nih.gov that's a National Institute
23:08
of Mental Health go out and check Nami
23:11
that is a National Alliance on Mental
23:15
and if you're so inclined if you're so
23:18
inclined pick up a copy of our book and
23:23
this is finding your passion and uh
23:26
because we're at that stage right now
23:28
where I think we need to find our
23:29
passion right we we need to find our
23:31
passion uh it's the beginning of the
23:33
year and if you don't know how to find
23:34
your passion go to minding your mental
23:36
health.com and check it out
23:43
last but not least this is the 988
23:46
number so if right now you're struggling
23:49
and you need some help dial that number
23:51
it will get you to the right place it
23:53
will take you wherever you need to go
23:55
again guys we are here to support you uh
23:58
we ourselves suffer from what we suffer
24:00
from and we we want to make sure that
24:03
this is a safe place so finally any last
24:09
sometimes yes because actually I do on
24:11
my computer screen I went on canva I put
24:14
in some Pokemon pictures and I have an
24:16
intentions thing so every time I get on
24:18
my computer I see the five things for
24:20
the year I love it they're my intentions
24:22
and why because that's the best way to
24:25
do it I know I'm more I'm always going
24:26
to be in here I'm always going to be on
24:28
the computer for a few minutes
24:30
that's what I did so I'm actually going
24:31
to do that because I want to bring that
24:32
up and you can go on a site like Canada
24:34
at a free site like that and you can
24:36
make your own little you know doohickey
24:38
thing and I love it because I don't have
24:40
to worry about putting it somewhere it's
24:42
in my computer it's a screensaver right
24:45
it's literally it's my background it's
24:46
my background and I got to put my little
24:48
characters on I love it I love it too
24:51
and I did that too I did a vision board
24:52
so canva 2 you can go into canva and put
24:55
the things on of things that I'm I'm
24:57
hoping that I've intentioned to do like
24:59
I want to walk and I want to drink water
25:01
and things like that so I do the same
25:02
thing I love that guys let us know in
25:04
the chat whether you're here live or
25:06
replay what are you doing to keep
25:08
yourselves moving forward
25:11
all right sounds cool so go out give
25:15
somebody an awesome day and we'll see
25:18
you next week on mining and mental
25:20
health goodbye everyone